The · Hive

so i tried, i couldnt even bring myself to delete one photo, or even one song we listened to.
but on the plus side, i rediscovered The Ketchup Song :P and i realized maybe i shouldnt have had highlights lol.
Haha, how people change as they mature.
:) *happy sigh*
oh well.

You'll never find, as long as you live
Someone who loves you tender like I do
You'll never find, no matter where you search
Someone who cares about you the way I do

Whoa, I'm not braggin' on myself, baby
But I'm the one who loves you
And there's no one else, no-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh one else

You'll never find, it'll take the end of all time
Someone to understand you like I do
You'll never find the rhythm, the rhyme
All the magic we shared, just us two

Whoa, I'm not tryin' to make you stay, baby
But I know some how, some day, some way
You are (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh (you're gonna miss my lovin')
Late in the midnight hour, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin')
When it's cold outside (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove

You'll never find another love like mine
Someone who needs you like I do
You'll never see what you've found in me
You'll keep searching and searching your whole life through
Whoa, I don't wish you no bad luck, baby
But there's no ifs and buts or maybes

You're gonna, You're gonna miss (miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
I know you're gonna my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh (you're gonna miss my lovin')
Late in the midnight hour, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin')
When it gets real cold outside (you're gonna miss my lovin')
I know, I know that you are gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Let me tell you that you're gonna miss my lovin'
Yes you will, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin')
When I'm long gon
I know, I know, I know that you are gonna miss

BIG SMILEY!!!
AAHHH ATTACK OF THE SMILY!!
lol no shit this bitch is huuuuuge
sorry its just so big
and out there

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rawr! lol wow big smily

So whats the big deal then?
Just dial pound and then your home number and then the number you wanna reach...then pound?

MMMMmm I love pound cake.

Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.

Can i truly be blamed for not being found trust worthy enough to confide in or to be held responcible with another persons free time.. i weigh my own thoughts and reactions to this and yet again im faced with the same conclusion.

People selfishly use my, se my knowledge, my being kind to them my general effor tto win them over as a friend and maybe sometimes in the past as something more. They use that then when they have enough they leave...or step off me into what they think is better. Well i can only smile... i mean im doing the world a favor right? Girl after girl steps off and walks away, ignores me, moves on, had her fill, its inevitable at any rate. Well i hope you all find what your looking for, cause you wont find me again, cause theres only one me, and you chose to throw me away...for from what i can see...nothing.
Good luck with that.

Looks like its just me on this side of the journal spectrum...heh, i should try and spot light some new friends. Seems everyone is making "HIDDEN JOURNALS" and ignoring me...time to start deleteing the people that dont care about me anymore. Heh everyone except Nui Nui chan has forgotten me :P (thanks hun).

But my main point? Really i have none except that i love pound cake and it loves me and apparently 90% of korea along with that aswell.

away from her so long now

this void..

my chest hurts alot..

even chocolate doesnt help me..

everything reminds me of her..

smells..

tastes..

scenes..

a world of sences that all amount to one conclusion...her

what i wouldn give to hold her again. :(

the voice whispers.. "soon...soon"

shes telling me school is rough right now. Im glad shes looking to me for support.

Welcome to second year Graphic Design, year better not be a breeZe like first year but life has its supprises.

Often wonder why people here are so nice to me. I always tend to get things for free here :)

Glad im surviving this summer ok. Alot of my old friends are back unfortunatly some others arent here!

Failure isnt nessesarily a bad thing, its something to learn from, its something to inspire, to push you to do better.

GO GET EM SON!

haha wish my dad said motivational things to me, some parents arent really parents im afraid, just big kids where adult power has gone to their head. But they dont own our lives. Just our beds and food. If they deny us that. then they forfit their right as gaurdian. then your free lol....oops what have i inspired someone to go and dooo...!!!! WAIT! Come back!!! your parents do come in handy keep them

Im in commons right now, its really sunny and there are plenty of girls in skimpy clothes lol. Yes they are nice to me, yes the smile when i smile. And i can still get anyones number given the opportunity....on that note.

Opportunity isnt given its made. Opportunity isnt stummbled accross, you can change any situation to be benificial for you and her at any moment. Please dont con women, just make your self appealing. Any man at any time can do this.

I dont want any other girls at the moment though....still cant think straight. Im not a whiner. I dont like to scream what i want out loud. Ill drop hints. But im thinking over and over in my head of talking to her again...yes her...the girl that stole from me....stole it right out from under my eyes....

my heart is still fragile from before her....

and yet she steals it

and then hides away from me with her feelings thoughts and thats ok...but i need my heart.

or do i? do i deserve this?

i wish i knew if she still felt anything for me

alas ive said to much.

Key word today? Opportunity! take it live it use it.

Got an email from her today...

says she is leaving now, i know its gonna be rough for her cause her course sounded advanced. Im a very supportive person, feels so wrong to not be there for someone so sweet and not to support her if i still care!

But if she doesnt care, then she should wouldnt appreciate it.

Says she is sad from having to pack she sent her address to me... does this mean anything?

did shemess up with email or something.

im not sure what to do.

Torn between two worlds

i cant think, so tired, so constrained, you get a decision to make every day, millions of small ones, but one big one. FUCK, maybe one big one in your life to make. And when you make a mistake....there is no going back. But she took my heart.

Rolling over and over in my head

movies touching her face seeing her smile listening to her talking (rare but so sweet) her sweet smell
wanting to hug her again one last time shes prolly better off im a jerk anyway

the main thing in my head? in all of our heads after the break up? THINK PEOPLE YOU KNOW

why is it so easy for the other person to show no feeling when they break up. Did she even care? I know i did.

well thinking more, i could have handled it better. Im not the best. But whats more is there to do. If i said i was unsure, and she bails. Then there is nothing more to do. So i should just move on! Like it seems so easy to walk away and do

why does it hurt?

i miss her still

She came to my work to give me chocolates.

She stole from me on the way out...

shit there goes my heart

whats this warm feeling?

Why so soon hmmm

is this wrong?

Its so soon..

i met a girl today, greeted her. Didnt think id be so happy to see that the new girl was attractive.

Upon further investigation, shes brilliant, and her smile is warm and very friendly,

why do pretty young chinese girls attract old men:?

seems to shy away from them, she must be shy,

-home

Pool party at poofies, ooooh boy wouldnt you like to know. LOL,

Una Palabra

gun

shes has been dubbed a psycho, i hate it, but im not sure why, shes fitting the name more and more everyday, came to my work like 12 times to cry. Almost got fired for it. Well dunno. Work is slowing down not as many hours.

The girls in the pickering mall look alot better then the girl in the oshawa mall lol.

ALOT of pretty girls but, to bad im not looking

just wanna work and go over what i did wrong.

found out another four people think she was cheating and said they seen her, just werent gonna tell me cause i was so happy.

friends... lol.

but im not blaming any one, it is very hard to know what to tell someone you care about what you know without it going over badly. Sometimes that persons feelsings matter too much.

Think hard richie

why are there sooo many now that i break up. Its like they saw it coming and flocked. Im not really that great. I have alot of flaws. I engjoy eating with my mouth open to make my cousins laugh. I buy girls things when they are sad. I make time to send messages to people that mean alot to me when ever i think about them. I smile and make others smile, thats a huge flaw! I can never have a serious conversation. Im not shy, ill say anything. If i could streak this post right now screaming the carebears theme song,,,,,oh believe me i would. i dont have a car! i thought girls were supposed to be turned off by that. i bus so i can have more money for school, cause im so independent. I rely on no one. Not even for feelings of being accepted anymore.

My dad doesnt really care for me, his gf doesn but never sees me. I left my mom cause she hates me cause i look like my dad and act like him. So im like an outlet for frustration against him. Ive lost my gf the person who pretended to care for me.

Hey any one ever feel really alone and their world is really dark?

una palabra

gun

Well just got off the phone with a crying ex gf. Terry never seemed to get it so i hung up. I feel bad that shes crying. I dont like leaving girls alone when they cry. Rather they cry on me. its always how ive been, my mom told me some sad stuff one afternoon and she cried on me. Since then ive always been there. But being away from my mom prolly makes it more real. AAAANNNNYWAAAYS.

Im feeling like i got drop kicked in the stomach by an elephant and his family. the story runs in my mind. I want to forget it. But i have to learn from it. While its still vivid ill spill.

First i get a text message that we are doing great cant wait to see me, then i get a text that she thinks im cheating on her. {usually the people that suspect that someone is cheating and get angry and confront the other person...are usually guilty of it them selves}
heh i know trust me. (wait i know cause ive been cheated on, im not an asshole that cheats on women and uses them). Then i get an email saying that i dont spend enough time with her and her friend told her something that she wants to talk to me about that she thinks is true.

So i dont get to talk to her for a while cause im working Pickering and Oshawa so ive gotten 70hours to pay for my tuition cause im a werrier. *starting to get angry now* why wont she beleive im working when she sees me at work every day . shes seen me at school more then anyone else... So later that day i get home. And my phone rings, usual call from my gf. Always happy to hear her voice before i get food or do anything. Just nice to get something form someone at least any day. Before or after you go to start a shift. You just generally feel better during the day. Its like a extra back bone, CONFIDENCE.

Shes talking to me likes she angry for some reason, apparently some other friend of hers....

-off topic, girls like to talk to friends, they will infact on a regular basis prolly talk to more friends about your relationship then to you. If you ever get that feeling that you should have said something or should have known that. And they blame it on being an insensitive guy. Let me comfort you right know by saying thats a fucking lie. If they for one second stoped and actually told us what the hell they told everyone else about us there might be hope for your relationship. because the tell everyone else so many times it feels as though they have told you, But infact they have not said a word to us. And yet your friends will assume they have been made aware of that problem before it stemmed into something larger. ok back again

...her friend told that , i only had time to see her when i wanted to 'fool around' (have sex)...

-off topic, sex isnt nessesarily bad in a relationship. Ive had fights before that have been solved with sex. That isnt my intention, but its such a powerful release of emotion and stress that it solves everything. Dunno but i can go more into my thoughts on sex later. Just benificial alot of the times cause its like something that you both can partake in thats pleasurable for both.

...now the thinkg with this realtionship is that when you go for while without seeing her, you get alot of pent up emotions and since she was so eager to jump me alot of the times. I didnt stop her. Wasnt sure i was supposed to stop her. But thats just failure to communicate. Then the whole me being shallow talk, and that i need to be more sensitive to girls needs. My friends said she as psychotic bitch and i shouldnt have dated her in the first place.

But i can honestly say that this was the last guilt trip im going to go through.

Cause like i stated before they love to push and try you over and over. But they will rarely ever show that they care for you.
not sure why. Dunno if i care anymore.
This relationship was over for a while.
it has just dawned on me now, and i needed that extra push.

Dave says now we can actually call some of those girls that have given me thier numbers and told me i was cute. But i think that alot of girls are like this and im not sure where i am right now.

Litterally my heart is in peices. Poofy is helping me put it all back together. Thanks for the attention poofster.
Im not sure should i call back and apologize.

^ see that up there? That is something a person who enjoys getting walked on and guilt tripped would say. I know there will be blow back and she will come to my work in pickering to cry or something. She knows when they cry im vulnerable...

I have to move on. gotta keep going. Im going out to the bar tonite
see if dave can howl louder then i can.

beer is my enemy

thanks to poofy im feeling better

Girls enjoy playing mind games, this is something that ive learned. Very rarely you will meet a girl that will not play mind games with you. But there more tomboyish and dont really count as gf material, more of a best friend. Like Lenna or Tasha. Even though weve pretty much come close... haha nm
Ive spoken with Kathy on this matter several times, and everytime she convinces me that she doesnt know either why she tries her bf;s patience and pushes him so much. But what they want , I THINK, is that they want you to tell them you care for them always.

Now if you are doing everything right and the relationship is rolling smoothly except for the occasional bump in the road....

-Off topic, relationships from what ive been through dont run smoothly unless someone is willing to suck it up and not say anything about getting walked over. If you can sucessfully do this you wont estabalish an ego for yourself.

...when maybe she had pushed to far and told me that i really dont do work or just generally rely on others for my good marks in school. When for a fact i help more people with their projects that the teachers them selves. And im stil learning. Now i dont get angry, i dont want to get angry with her. But im not sure what the hell im doing wrong.

Earlier

she told me again that she was going out with some friends to hang at a bar. Buddy said she was there with some guy.
I dont really want to beleive it cause its really bad when some one cheats on you...

Hay who wants to take a count?

hold.....that makes 15 girls that have cheated on me.

im making a list of mistakes that ive made in the past that might have attributed to this.
If Terry cheats...thats 16 girls...ever think thats why your gf doesnt appreciate you or care? Cause she has someone else and she knows your just a back up after shes done getting used by some other guy.

No offence but i know alot of guys and i only know 5 out of 300 that dont want to use a pretty girl.

What the hell is wrong with me

Even earlier

Things are going good bud im noticing people are talking behind my back alot. Ignore it! Keep going, designs are wicked. Me and terry are coming along. glad to have someone understand me for a change. haha or just nod and smile and pretend they do just to humor me. Heh never gotten mad at anything ive done or said lol. Well not to my face, god only knows how much she complains behind my back. But my friends tell me i spoil girls and buy them to much, so they will treat me bad later on. After they get everything they need, or get tired of stuff like that.

Not sure what to doo its how i am.

Watch that 70s show if you love yourself watch it! LOL its the big thing at college lol. Well at least for now. Got a girls number today. Not sure why, i was sitting on the bus listening to music, and she pretended to fall into my lap. she smile at me patted my chest, and a peice of paper fell out of her hand. I dont think im going to call lol

Not as a burn or anything, just cause im not some looser that goes out with people i dont know. Never go on blind dates either. Its like someone else judging you form aside, and picking a person for you. Then you feel all akward when your trying to talk, cause your suppossed to get along.

Tv shows like that are dumb. Ther has to be someone out there for me.

Met a pretty girl named Michelle today on the first day of college, shes really nice to me laughs at everyone of my jokes and we talk about eeeeeeverything. her hair goes out and up so i called her Poofy. Then se went rawr. Rawr? Rawr!

Means acception or yes! Like rawr, or thank you's

goina hang with her on the weekend.

ljuniq
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